Why do Parents and Children Argue ?
The difference between a teen and pre-teen is that tweens will actually say the most brilliant things in an argument, but will do the most immature things, like forget to tell you that they need to get to school an hour early the next day. Teenagers today, on the other hand, are actually responsible about their stuff.
* The ‘coolness’ is just setting in, so they need to be in a position of control. They do want your support; they are scared that they may not be ‘cool’ if they ask for help. It is very important for parents of growing children to notice their activities, rather than ask. Try to oversee their actions with their friends, on the internet etc, without interfering. As long as everything is in control, a little showing off or ‘being cool’ is acceptable. If you feel they need intervention, do it in private.
* Their close friends slowly start replacing their family as their centre of existence. They feel they understand them better than their parents. This is where most parents start pressing the panic button and start exerting control and this leads to innumerable arguments. Do not misunderstand this, they still need you to wake them up, pack their lunch, and take them shopping. They just don’t want you to tell them what to eat, what to wear, etc.
* Tweens are entering an age where they have a little knowledge about the ways of the world. They want to use their knowledge to make their decisions, rather than follow your decisions blindly. They honestly believe that they are equipped with the maturity and skill, to come up with some of the answers themselves. As I always say, pick your battles. If it is about smaller things, that really does not upset your domestic balance, let it be. That way, they feel that you trust them to make decisions.
* They want to show the world, you and more importantly to themselves that they do not need their parents’ help for everything. The best way to deal with it is, to stop telling the kids what to do, and rather have a conversation where you could discuss situations.