When Parents Fight

I came across a eight year old kid who will close his ears the moment he hears a loud voice. Initially I never paid attention on his act assuming that its no very natural, but over a period of time, I observed this boy becoming very panic whenever he comes across any two shouting and yelling at each other. when me and that little kid became friends, one day I asked him why can't he take it when anyone yells or shouts. To my surprise, he said his parents keep fighting at home by shouting at each other. That's the reason, he doesn't like when any two shout or yell.

But, are we having any homes, where there are no fightings between parents? I don't think so. We all must have grown up in a very natural enviroespecting each other. When children witness this drama, disrespectful tone and lannment, where mom and dad used to disagree on so many things; however, impact of this on kids varies from one family to other. Couples may have great marriages and great understandings, they might be fighting and patching up later; however, for kids this so very complicated thing to understand the relationships. When two fight, unknowingly, they will be uttering words criticising each other or may use words which are disrguage used by parents bother them a lot. Couple maybe thinking that they fight for the moment and patch up later, but from children's point of view, it is their mother not respected by father and their father not respected by mother. This will create lot of insecurities in children when they grow big and they will have to pay for this in future too.

According to psychologists, most of the adults who have broken marriages due to their behaviour patterns is because, they carry emotional baggage from their childhood. When, kids grow up in an environment where marriage is nothing but contempt and disregard between two, this can make them be uncertain and develop lack of confidence in people around or even with their intimates. So, one small fight between parents influences a child to form opinion about marriage and relationships. One small fight between wife and husband will leave a child with lack of self confidence and eventually their own life will be in trouble.

We are not saying that wife and husband have to stop fighting; you will be definitely having issues where you need to raise your voice; but be equally honest and aggressive when you have to extend appreciation to your spouse for the qualities he/she has. Raise your voice when you don't like things your wife/husband does, but also speak big, when you have a chance to praise her/his qualities. When you make so, your kid will take your fights subjective. And your appreciation for each other helps your child to build trust and respect for others. When parents are more positive , that gives emotional stability to any child. Remember, parenting is all about creating “Emotional stability in children”. That's your responsibility too.

- Bhavana