If I ask you to tell me a bit about yourself, how would you describe yourself? It is a simple and standard question we all face in job interviews, isn't it? Not so easy to answer. But whichever way you describe yourself, you are just describing an image superimposed on you. Very rarely we know who we are without those images. But it is important to know the images from real you. Because our self esteem and self worth are based on how we see ourselves and how others see us. Let us see how images are superimposed on us every day.
What comes to your mind when I say an Indian family? What comes to your mind if I add few more details to the image? Indian family living abroad or South Indian family living abroad? Or a Tamilian family living in the US? Or if I say a Gujarati family living in the UK? Are they not all distinct from each other? With each specific detail, the image we have on mind keeps changing. What if you are that person, a part of this Gujarati or Tamilian family we have just defined? Don't you see yourself having some of the tastes and behaviours peculiar to fit that particular image?
We do not realise that all of us live up to certain patterns of images. Other people can see them in us, most of the times, we can't. If we look closer, all of us fit into the images that are superimposed on us. Very unconsciously, we all live up to those images. We match those images in our behaviours, in our reactions to life, in certain attitudes towards certain topics. In short, these images make us who we are today. For example, our attitudes about food, about family relations, about money. All of these differ with each community, each family and each person.
Why does it happen this way? When we are little, we didn't have any identity of our own. As we grow up, we learn to fit into the environment we are born into. At family, society, community, or nationality, at each level we have an image to fit into. Are you born as a Hindu or as a Muslim? Or you learnt or picked up these beliefs, handed down to you through several generations of families that chose to follow these beliefs? Not just religion, but everything that we now take as a part of our identity is in fact an image we have picked up in our childhood.
If we consider society level, there are several images. For example, how a male or female is expected to behave, or how being an Indian we are expected to behave or even how an individual belonging to a middle class or upper middle class family is expected to behave. Although there are no written rules, there are certainly strong images held in society that we have to live up to. Or we unconsciously fall into the mould. On top of these, we also have family customs. Only God can help you, if you are an emotionally expressive person and you fall into a family with a very reserved attitude. You face disapproval every step, it is simply not done that way in our family!! So all your affectionate nature gets buried under the same reserved exterior. It is another image to live up to.
As if these are not enough, we have several images of our own personality imposed on us. What we think as our personality, is in fact a result of superimposition of several images on our real personality. Do you remember how your mom or dad used to speak over your head to a neighbour about you? This child is so stubborn, he never listens to anyone at home. He is uncontrollable. How much do you think you were like that mom's portrait of you? Once a child notices what image elders have of him, he will live up to it. Even if he is not stubborn by nature, he will start displaying those traits now.
Sometimes the image may not be defined in clear terms about the child, but still the child will live up to is. I have seen one of my friends, who usually has an expression of exasperation on her face when she feeds her three year old daughter. She doesn't scold the girl or never express any verbal disapproval. But the girl knows her mom thinks her as a tiresome girl in her eating habits. So she will make sure she stays tiresome. She behaves exactly the way that will increase her mom's exasperation.
So what happens when these two kids grow up? They will live up to the images of stubbornness and being tiresome. Even if the man wants to give in to his wife, he will stick to his stance because he sees himself as a stubborn devil. Even if the woman wants to please her husband or family she will create situations that will make them feel she is tiresome. The real nature of the individual gets veiled by the superimposed images. It is funny, we even fight with others to protect our image, or what we see as our image, although it has nothing to do with us in reality.
If you think you are an angry person or a jealous person or a stubborn person, just look back on your childhood or growing up years. How much of it is owing to someone's image of you? Your parents, friends or teachers, perhaps? However you see yourself today, very less of it is the real you and and a major portion is imposed on you. Our personalities are something like onion layers, each image superimposed on top of another. So how much of is real you? If you do this as a fun exercise, you will realise as you peel off each layer nothing much will be left that is your own real nature. Do you want to try it out?
Ramakrishna Maguluri
Engaging with life
ELAI
.webp)
.jpg)
.webp)
.webp)
.webp)
.webp)
.webp)
