Funny Facebook Status Quotes

* I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them.

* Are all of Taylor Swifts songs about the same guy, or is she just a whore?

* Hey Vegetarians, my food shits on your food.

* If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember...You can always change your birthday on facebook!

* If I was stranded on a desert island and I could only bring one thing, I would bring Dora. That girl has everything in that backpack.

* 11 year olds today are like: 'Omg I love smokin pot. I get like so drunk. Yolo!' Me when I was 11: 'I forgot to feed my Tamagotchi this morning.'

* White people: 'OMG! I LOVE THIS SONG!' Black people: 'OH HELL YEAH NIGGA THIS IS MY SHIT!'

* Telling someone their breath smells without hurting their feelings...'Well I'm bored, let's go brush our teeth!'

* I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.

* The only 'B' word you should call a woman is beautiful. Bitches love to be called beautiful.