Another 40 Years

A 60-year-old man is getting his annual physical, and as they've just finished up he asks his doctor a frank question.

“Doc, do you think I’ll live another 40 years so I can reach 100?” he asks.

“That depends,” says the doctor.

“Do you smoke?”

“No.”

“Do you drink?”

“No.”

“Do you fool around with loose women?”

“Of course not.”

“Well, then,” says the doctor.

“Why the hell do you want to live for another 40."

Ties for Sale

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting at a card table with neckties laid out on it.

The Arab said, "My thirst is killing me. Please...do you have any water?" The Jew replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $150. This one goes very nicely with your robes."

The Arab shouted, "Idiot! I do not need your overpriced tie. I need water!"

"OK," said the old Jew,

"It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie. I will show you that you have not offended me. If you walk over that hill to the east for about four miles, you will find a lovely restaurant.

Go! Walk that way! The restaurant has all the water you need!" The Arab staggered away toward the hill and disappeared.

Eight hours later the Arab came crawling back to the Jewish man's table. The Jew said, "I told you, the restaurant with the water is about four miles over that hill. Could you not find it?"

"I found it," rasped the Arab.

"But your brother wouldn't let me in without a tie!"