Hilarious Husband and Wife Jokes

wife husband jokes english, wife husband funny quotes, funny husband wife jokes, hilarious husband wife cartoons: Enjoy three short funny husband wife jokes.

In a divorce court a woman requested the judge.

woman : “Your honor, I want to divorce my husband.”

“But why ?” asked the judge.

She replied, “Because he is not faithful to me.”

The judge asked, “How do you know ?”

She replied, “My lord, not a single child resembles him.”

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A lady went to the police station to file a report for her missing Husband.

Lady: I lost my Husband.

Inspector: What is his height?

Lady: I never noticed

Inspector: Slim or healthy?

Lady: Not slim can be healthy

Inspector: Colour of eyes?

Lady: Never noticed

Inspector: Colour of hair?

Lady: Changes according to season

Inspector: What was he wearing?

Lady: suit/casuals I don’t remember exactly

Inspector: Was somebody with him ?

Lady: Yes my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together…. And the lady started crying…..

Inspector: Let’s search for the dog first!

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Husband : Mom called me and she is coming tomorrow. Her train will reach by morning 4 o' clock!

Wife : She came just 4 months back only, right? Why is she coming now again? tomorrow is sunday I thought of getting up late but your mom had to come on a sunday itself and that too morning 4 o' clock. where will she even get an auto at that time ?

Husband : Not my mom, your mom is coming ?

Wife : Wow...mom is coming! it's been more than 2 months I have seen her. listen na, i have the number of the auto driver please call him and tell to come in time tomorrow morning. it's good, tomorrow is sunday, even the kids will be at home as they don't have school. they can play with their grandmother.

Husband was shock...