Bush Issue Executive Order gagging Clinton!

In a move that clearly indicates just how frustrated George W. Bush is with the fact that former President Clinton is continuing to dominate the headlines, Bush issued an Executive Order that effectively forces Clinton to stop talking or doing anything that might garner media attention.

The Executive Order issued by Bush requires that Clinton not communicate in public in any way including "talking, writing, use of an electronic device, or pantomime". This prevents Clinton from doing everything from talking to the press to ordering a Big Mac down at the local McDonald`s. If Clinton should decide to flout the law he faces fines of up to $100,000 per syllable. "It`s kind of a reverse speaking fee" said Bush. If the fines do not stop Clinton from talking and "hogging" the nation`s attention, Bush`s order calls for Clinton to be imprisoned for up to 90 days for every sentence or sentence fragment he utters.

"I mean what is this?" said a clearly exasperated Bush at yesterday`s press conference. "I`m the President of the United States! I`m the leader of the most powerful country in the world! But you sure can’t tell that from watching the news. And I`m sure if I read the newspapers it would be the same story; Clinton, Clinton, everywhere Clinton! Night after night Fox News leads off it`s newscast with some tawdry story about the most recent Clinton scandal. Hell, I had to launch an unprovoked attack on Iraq just to get my buddy and fellow Texan, Dan "Poontang" Rather to mention my name on air. Now my Daddy and his cronies didn`t work their tails off getting me elected just to have me ignored. Clinton has got to be stopped!"

Not surprisingly Clinton refused comment on this story since the Executive order issued by Bush has already gone into effect. He was however last seen by the press wearing a t-shirt bearing the phrase "Actions Speak Louder Than Words" and headed into a Holiday Inn accompanied by "supporter" Denise Rich and a cigar