Hot Weather Funny Quotes

Read and enjoy latest Hot Weather Funny Quotes, Jokes, Sayings, Funny Hot Weather Pictures.

* A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

* We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home.

* People always ask me 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, I was an accountant.

* I met this guy who said he loved children, then I found out he was on parole for it.

* A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He's out there now...trying to win a trip back!

* If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!

* So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.'

* I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

* When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.

* I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance...she leaned over and pushed me.